I've been really stressed out for the past few weeks and it all came to ahead the past few days. Let me start off though by saying I'm a worrier. I worry about everything and everyone, whether I can control the situation or not. So naturally now that I'm entering my third year of college I've turned my attention to worrying about my future. But in the scheme of my stressing its not whats to come in the next two years- I know what I want. But there lies the problem. I know what I want, and I want it now. I want to be living in New York. I want to be a writer. I want to have a cool fun life that I love. I don't want to have to wait.
I also came to the realisation over the past few days that I'm unhappy. I don't like my life. I feel its boring. I look at everyone elses life and think "Wow that's so cool, I want to do that" but I cant and I don't mainly because people around me are holding me back. I spend too much time online and the likes being jealous of other people instead of doing something with my life. I rely on other people to make me happy and when they don't, which regularly happens, I get really upset.
Last night when I was lying in bed really upset because someone close to me let me down, again, I decided fuck it I'm sick of this. I cant sit here expecting things to happen. I have to make it happen. Which is what I'm going to do. I've started making lists of things I want to do in life and a list of how I'm going to turn my life around because our time here on earth is short and we only get one chance-theres no point regretting what we didn't do, I'd now rather regret doing something and saying that I at least tried. So that's what I'm going to turn this blog into-How I'M Going To Get My Life In Order.
The list above, wanting to live in NYC, be a writer, be happy and loads of other things, I cant make them all happen right now but some things I can make happen and I will.
